Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
