yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
