You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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