Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The air taste purple.
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