I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
