idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
