I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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