This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
