He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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