did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
