yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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