I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize