Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
