Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
