It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
