But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I love you.
Bad choice
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
