My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
