I'm jealous of your bromance
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
