I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
