Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
