dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
