Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
