did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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