I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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