WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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