i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
