he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
