Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
