he shaved USA in his pubs
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
