Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
