the new term for farting is butt boxing.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
