No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My feet surprised me
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