im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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