you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
