Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
