In the future we'll all be gay
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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