Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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