I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
