Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish i was in the wii world.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
