You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
