So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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