I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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