he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
