I think I died a long time ago.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
