I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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