Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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