hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
