There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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