He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
