Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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