Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This baby is an asshole
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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