you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
