4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize