OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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