I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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