You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
