he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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