i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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