so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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