I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
