We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
