I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
