They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
