Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
