I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize