Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize