she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
