Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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