Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
