..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want nice things and good sex
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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