the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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